Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Birthdays, Christmases, weddings… There seem to be no end to the event calendar and the accompanying anxiety of searching for the perfect gift for the occasion. But are your efforts to express your affection perhaps a waste of time and money?

A few years ago, in his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman introduced the idea that every person has a preference for one of five love languages:

• Words of affirmation
• Quality time
• Receiving gifts
• Acts of service
• Physical touch

And no matter how many gifts you purchase for someone whose primary love language is quality time, for example, she will only really feel loved when you set aside leisurely time for her and listen attentively to every word she says. What people tend to do, naturally, is assume that the other person needs the same gestures as them to feel loved. But as any good marketer will know, it’s less a case of Do unto others what you’d like done to yourself than Do unto others what they’d like done to themselves.

My short glossary for each of the five love languages:

Words of affirmation

Affirmation – letting someone know that they’re one of the best things that every happened to this planet

Sincerity – what that person hears more than your words

Love letter – the ’boxed’ version of your affirmation and something they can hold on to

Quality time

Quality time – It may involve only a few minutes, but when it’s over you feel like you’ve touched the essence of the person with whom you spent those minutes.

Active listening – open, attentive, non-judgemental listening to the words and the feeling behind the words

Receiving gifts

The thought – Which message do you want to send to the recipient? What have you noticed they need most at this point in their lives? What do they represent to you?

The value – The combination of creativity, perfect timing and thoughtfulness is priceless.

Acts of service

The service agreement – Always out of free will; sometimes on request; never on demand

Physical touch

Skin hunger – the adult version of failure-to-thrive syndrome, as observed in babies who are not held and cuddled