Occasionally someone will ask why my website is called ‘MoreThanMoney’. Well, I guess I wished for content that has a little bit more soul than your average financial publication. And for visitors whose lives have always been about more than money, but who now, out of necessity or as part of their personal growth, have to learn how this financial industry of ours works.

Also, money may be just a commodity, a unit of exchange. But the way we earn it, use it, lose it, spend or save it, love it, hate it, or fear it tells us more about what we believe about this world and our role in it, than we would perhaps want to reveal.

While our beliefs don’t change overnight, our roles can vary from one situation to another, covering a colourful spectrum of personae – all in just one day. And this is the way it should be. Play the part which the situation calls for. Unfortunately, we sometimes take on roles that are not only unasked for under the circumstances, but which become debilitating over the long run and also counterproductive. What are the different roles, how do they affect your finances and how can you break a destructive pattern? Let’s start with the Rescuer.

While I’m relieved to live in a world where friends, family and even strangers still lend a hand, Rescuers have made helping out, fixing problems and protecting the helpless their primary reason for existing. If there is no crisis, no poor, sick or sad around, they feel pretty restless and useless.

Yes, some guilt around ‘having things easy’ may motivate Rescuers. However, it is more likely that they are motivated by a deep desire to have their own needs fulfilled, but they have too little self-esteem to ask directly for what they want. Rescuing others boosts their self-esteem. Also, by helping others, they hope that some of what they’re giving will return to them.

Being a Rescuer makes it very difficult to build wealth and just enjoy the rewards of hard work and wise investments. Whenever someone who appears worse off than themselves enters their lives, Rescuers feel guilty if they don’t channel time and money towards that person. Rescuers are easily exploitable. But even worse, they sometimes actively scan the social landscape for signs of any helpless creature that could feed their hero complex. Unfortunately, often their need to be needed does not only prevent themselves from getting ahead financially, but also prevent those being rescued from fighting their own battles in the future.

Don’t get me wrong, being there for friends and family in times of crisis is a virtue. But secretly rejoicing in every opportunity to support someone or save the day probably signals that you may have become a little too attached to your superhero suit.

How do you break the Rescuer pattern? Diane Zimberoff suggests that you become honest about your own needs and take the first step of telling people what you want most from them. Part of this is examining your own discomfort with receiving. Secondly, you would need to establish a new habit of deciding what kind of assistance would really help someone over the long term. Realise that you are only there to support someone while they solve their own problems. Thirdly, if you’ve been caught in the Rescuer role for quite a while, you may have feelings of anger and resentment. Why are you always helping out, but no one seems to care about your needs? If these feelings are not addressed, you could easily switch to the complementary role: that of the long-suffering Victim.

Tags: Diane Zimberoff, Money personality, Rescuer

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 30th, 2009 at 2:48 pm and is filed under Personal development. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.